Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
