Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
