I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
