Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
