I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
