Can Purell be used as lube?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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