but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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