and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
