The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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