I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
