The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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