I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
