Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we have pet lesbian snakes
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
please come you make the beer taste better
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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