Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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