you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
