my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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