I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
