What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
