last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
