Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
