My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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