Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
