I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
