just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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