Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
