Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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