woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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