all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
