Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
