Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
