im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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