Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
