If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
