Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His nipple licking is glorious
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