Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
