the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
