I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
