Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
