So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
