Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
