you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
