Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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