I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
