3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
