just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
