I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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