Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
