Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
