I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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