maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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