Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
