2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
