Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
only you would photoshop your dick
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
