By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
