even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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