I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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