I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
