im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
