a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
