He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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