Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
