I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
