so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How does one acquire holy water?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
