were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
