how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
