my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
