I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
