I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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