he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
