Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
