Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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