what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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