Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
