Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im holly from the hills drunk
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You ate ashes out of my bong
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
