why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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