also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize