I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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