Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
