Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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