A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
