so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
