I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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