we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think your dad took our porno
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
