I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
